Booty Banter has been on a hiatus. I should be spanked, but alas the pooping princess is back and I look forward to regaling with ways to stay regular, because I am obsessed as ever to get you tips you can actually use to keep things moving along.

Before I give you a hot idea though, a couple of months ago, I read some statistics that were both encouraging and alarming. Here’s the good news. Colorectal cancer rates overall seem to be going down. This is fantastic. But the downside is that the number of younger people (25 -49) developing bum cancer is slowly increasing. Why? It’s hard to say but speaking as someone who has sometimes lived it hard, lifestyle choices might have something to do with it. That and all the other stuff you can’t control, like family history and environmental factors (which I am convinced have health impacts). All I can say about this one, is if you are young(ish) like me and in your forties and think you’re too young to get cancer in the pooper, you’re wrong. At ANY sign of trouble, if something just doesn’t feel right, or you have blood, cramps or general malaise down there insist on a colonoscopy. Don’t let your doctor tell you that you are too young to get it. You aren’t. Ok enough of the serious stuff. And as I have said in the past, the colonoscopy just isn’t that bad and the drugs they give you to get you through the procedure are the best.

I could also go on about the importance of exercising and eating veggies (which of course it all is) but you hear that all the time from just about everywhere you look. Enough said, for now anyway.

But here’s the bottom line. In a way, your bum health is about revving up the metabolism, keeping it going fast enough for all your parts to do their job more efficiently and to get the toxins moving out of your body as fast as possible.
On that note, have you ever noticed how, after a particularly spicy meal, it’s not just your mouth that is on fire? For starters, if you are looking at keeping your trim figure, spices help crank up your metabolism so you are burning more calories, especially hot peppers. That in turn helps out in the poop-producing department. Adding garlic, turmeric, cinnamon and curry not only make your food taste better, they too help your digestive system keep ticking along too. So don’t be afraid to spice up your life up a bit with some easy butt-moving additions to your diet. Next month, I will share a list of spices and other taste-enhancing butt-friendly elements that you can add to your food.

In the meantime, make sure you also drink lots of water.

Jennifer Hartley is a features writer and copy editor for Ottawa Life Magazine and writer for Ottawa Outdoors Magazine. Previously she was theatre editor for Ottawa Xpress and now defunct Metro newspaper and has written articles for a variety of magazines across the country and abroad in the United Kingdom.